Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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