God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
