I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
