I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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