if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
