I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
