when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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