Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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