So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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