Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
