theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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