the condom got lost in my hair
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
