Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
