I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
