We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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