The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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