I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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