We're like a lot better than the average bears
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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