My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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