thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
