Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.