I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.