I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove