i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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