Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.