If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
