she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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