so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
