He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
