Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my mouth tastes like poor choices
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
