he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
