the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
