yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
