I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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