My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
