I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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