WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
