remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found puke in my bra..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
