It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
