yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize