The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
