I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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