Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
