So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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