So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
