Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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