Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
