So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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