Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
