It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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