I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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