"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
