I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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