Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.