Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
