the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
