2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus