Your tits are I can't wait for
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.