dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
