JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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