He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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