I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
