Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
