I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
