I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
