I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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