she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Randomize
