my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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