I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
