his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
