you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
