I'm gonna have a badass scar
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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