Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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