i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
