Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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