and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
