Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
