my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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