so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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