He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Did I show you my penis last night?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
