You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
