So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Shame is for Republicans.
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