My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My balls are so social today.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
