My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it hurts more in the daytime
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
