you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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