thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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