I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
