i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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