My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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