You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
